Introduction-where it all began
Many years ago I read a science
fiction novel that described life after a major nuclear war. As people
struggled to survive, a scientist discovered medicine that could protect humans
against the harmful effects of radiation. However it had a major side-effect.
Whoever took the pill found that he could suddenly hear other people’s
thoughts.
Many intriguing possibilities arose
for those who could read other people’s thoughts and soon the drug became
restricted to a master-class of rulers who used their new-found ability to rule
the masses.
Which makes me wonder; what are you
thinking right now?
Well, some several years ago Ohio
State University commissioned a research to determine how many times men and
women think about some key things every 24 hours. The results were pretty
interesting:
The tally
Food
|
Sex
|
Sleep
|
|
men
|
18
|
19
|
11
|
women
|
15
|
10
|
8.5
|
So there you are! Now you know what
the guy seated next to you is thinking or will be thinking about in the next 1
hour.
Guys, sorry to disappoint you but the
ladies are not thinking as much about it as you do. Their minds are on to
what’s up for lunch. May be they are even planning dinner already!
If you are like me then you have probably
asked in your thoughts;
·
Why is getting a
good a guy or a good girl for that matter so fraught with pitfalls and
complicated?
·
Why has the desire for physical intimacy also become the source of so many
heartbreaks? Why are relationships and marriages so often frustrating and
difficult?
·
Why do we fight the same temptations over and over again?
As a young man I fought the desire to watch porn, to seduce the girl next door,
to sleep with some of my ‘Christian’ girlfriends. Now as a married man I still
have to consciously fight the desire to flirt with other women and to say ‘No!’
to emotional entanglements with other women.
·
Why has the desire for physical intimacy become the source
of habits that enslave us and passions that cause people to do extremely bad
things?
·
Why
do we struggle with same-sex attraction?
Was it always like this?
Over and above everything else I choose
the bible as my source of answers for all of life’s big questions. I invite you
to do the same this morning.
So what does the bible say?
Genesis 1 & 2 records that God
created man and woman as His last act of creation in the Genesis story. And as
someone has said, “We always save the best for last!” So it was with
God; Man and woman were His crowning acts of creation.
Everything else, God created by
speaking it into being. However when it came to man and woman, it was very
personal. The bible records that God formed him out of the soil or clay of the
ground and then breathed into him life.
Now isn’t it interesting that in 2013
a Chinese Professor called Dan Luo at Cornell University came to the conclusion
clay 'might have been the birthplace of life on Earth that clay soil has all
the necessary ingredients needed for living organisms to come to life?
It is also on record that Researchers at NASA's Ames Research Center confirmed that
every element in man can be found in the soil/clay.
Basically they were telling us
what we have known all along from the bible-that God created man from elements
in the soil. But now I digress…
Man and woman were the best of God’s
handiwork. They were created in such a way that their nature and personality
reflected certain important aspects of their Creator. In other words, God
created the man or woman seated next to you in His image.
By creating man and woman in His
image, God automatically gave them a value way above other animals.
However, today there are those who
would have us believe that you and I are no better than improved apes and hence
to be guided by our instincts much like the bull or the proud cockerel.
After God created man and woman He blessed them.
Now, isn’t it interesting that the first blessing pronounced upon man and
woman was regarding their sexuality?
For God said,
1:28a “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the
earth and subdue it.”
Some modern bibles
simply translate this to say, “…and have many kids…J”
Thus, when God created man and woman,
He saw their sexuality as something good.
He looked upon it as the means by which they would procreate and become
numerous.
God’s thought was that as they multiplied He
could delegate rulership of the earth to them. Thus He blessed them and
pronounced His blessing specifically over the sexual capabilities.
This
is how it was in the beginning. And that's how God wants it; that when He
looks at you, He can pronounce His blessing over you without feeling
uncomfortable.
After God created woman, He brought
her to Adam, the first man. Now, it goes without saying that Adam was the first
man to ever see a woman naked J. He was so mesmerized that he went,
Wooowoooo!! maan!!!
And that is how she became known as
woman.
Ok that’s not exactly how the bible
puts it though I am almost sure that’s what happened.
Thereafter the bible reads;
...a man shall leave his father's house and shall be
united (married) to his wife and they shall become one flesh( or have sex).
In this simple statement the bible packs many teachings
but the one we can come away with today is that, God
envisioned sex only in the context of a heterosexual marriage setting.
God does not explain why He made it this way but sometimes
it is just in the nature of God not to explain some things. He leaves us to
discover by way of experience the benefits of obeying His instruction or the
tragedy of ignoring His commandments.
However it is the last statement of
Genesis 2 that is most intriguing.
2:25 Adam and his wife were
both naked, and they felt no shame.
So it was with Adam and Eve, that
when God first created them, there was no shame, no guilt, no embarrassment and
no anxious moments of wondering;
“Will he accept me the way I am?”
“Will he find me beautiful?”
“How do I compare to other guys?”
Their peaceful and fulfilling
relationship was centered on the blessing that God had pronounced upon them. It
was also centered on what God had prescribed for them; that a man shall leave
his father’s house and that he shall be become one with his wife (or married).
Their peace was also premised on their daily walk of obedience with God.
God’s desire is to restore each one
of us to a moment where there is no longer shame, guilt or pain regarding who
we are and what we are doing with our bodies.
When
we keep sexually pure we can avoid many unnecessary pains in later life,
embarrassing dramas, disease and even death.
This next reference to their sexuality
explains this;
3:7b …they knew they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made
coverings for themselves.
What had happened?
One moment they were like innocent
children before each other, and the next they were feeling guilty and
embarrassed to see each other’s nakedness. The first sign of drama related to
sin.
What had happened?
In genesis 3 we read that God had commanded Adam and Eve not to
eat from a particular tree He had put in the garden where they lived. However
they gave in to temptation and disobeyed God. One of the immediate consequences
was that they lost their child-like innocence before each other.
Like Adam and Eve, each of us is
often tempted to do something we know in our heart of hearts is not right.
Now, if you are a little like me,
then you probably face temptation on a daily basis.
A good many who are tempted give in.
They then do what I call sexual misbehavior.
Sexual misbehavior is when we violate
any of the commandments God has pronounced regarding our sexuality.
Adam and Eve did not get into trouble
because they indulged in sex. Their first trouble came about because they disobeyed an express command
of God. Disregard for God’s instruction led to the first sign of trouble in
their relationship.
Their disobedience also led to trouble for all
their future children which is all of us.
So it is with us today. Any time we
go against what God has said we bring upon ourselves drama, shame, guilt,
disease and even death. Let us consider one epic story from the bible.
In the book of II Samuel chapters 11
& 12, King David chanced upon his neighbor’s wife taking a bath. Instead of
looking away like a proper gentleman, akaendelea kuangalia tu. Soon he
was consumed with lust for her and he seduced and slept with her. Then she sent
him that most dreaded of sms,
“I am pregnant”
Afterwards, he tried to cover the
whole matter up by having the poor woman’s husband killed. Later God sent a
prophet to him who told him;
10 So now the
sword will never depart from your house. For you have despised me by
taking the wife of Uriah the Hittite as your own!’ 11 This is what the Lord says: ‘I am about to
bring disaster on you from inside your own household! Right before your eyes I
will take your wives and hand them over to your companion. He will have sexual
relations with your wives in broad daylight!
12 Although you have acted in secret, I will do this thing before all
Israel, and in broad daylight.’”
13 Then David exclaimed to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord!” Nathan
replied to David, “Yes, and the Lord has forgiven your sin. You are not going
to die. 14 Nonetheless, because you
have treated the Lord with such contempt in this matter, the son who has
been born to you will certainly die.”
We can glean a few lessons from this story;
1.
God says that David has despised Him by engaging in
sex with another man’s wife. Is it possible that when we engage in sexual
misbehavior God takes it that we are treating Him with contempt (madharau);
that when God looks back to the time when Adam and Eve stood pure and innocent
before each other and then at us committing sexual misbehavior, He actually
feels as if ‘tunamudharau’?
2.
David tried to cover up his sexual misbehavior by killing
a man-an even greater sin. Sometimes sex outside of marriage causes us to do
things we would not ordinarily contemplate. You had a one-night stand or even a passionate
affair with someone for some time and it trapped you in a way you never thought
could happen to you. As a man you are weighed down with guilt because you once
made a girl pregnant and decided that your future is too important and so you completely
disowned the girl you were with. Maybe you even disowned your child. As a girl you decided to procure an abortion
and now wonder whether your life is polluted forever. You don't feel like God
could ever forgive you or love you.
3. God said that what he did in secret,
will lead to public shaming.
4. God spoke a curse upon David’s
family. There would be bloodshed in his family and there would be shameful
incestuous sex in his family. Shortly thereafter in chapter 13, Amnon, David’s
son raped his step-sister Tamar. Later Tamar’s brother Absalom, murdered Amnon
in revenge. Again Absalom led a coup against David his father and then slept
with his father’s concubines in plain sight. The coup eventually led to
Absalom’s death.
Someone once told me
that sex when embraced as God ordained in a marriage setting is like a calm
river that flows gently along its course without much drama. However sex
outside of marriage is like a river that bursts its banks and sweeps away
anything that it finds along its path.
God’s original plan was
for safe sex. There is no safe sex outside of the confines of marriage.
I once had an uncle. He
was my favorite due to his kindness and gentle personality though I would not
say he was particularly committed to the teachings of Jesus Christ.
He was also very handsome and girls were never
far away from his company. Like many young adults his age, he thoroughly
enjoyed the challenge of seducing and sleeping with a girl here and there. At
some point he decided to settle down. Two girls vied strenuously to become his
official wife. I’d go to his house and find one doing his laundry as the other
prepared his meals all the while exchanging dagger looks whenever their paths
crossed.
Eventually one lady won
and they had their first child. After a few years his wife died of pneumonia.
One day as he visited a
friend in Nairobi, he was shot and injured by gangsters. After about 6 months
he succumbed to his injuries.
However I was stunned
to later learn that it was actually full blown AIDs that killed him. I miss him
and often pray that somehow he asked God’s forgiveness and received Jesus in
his heart before he died because I simply just contemplate him in hell.
Kay Arthur writing on
sexual purity says;
“Sin will take you farther than you
ever intended to go,
it will cost you more than you ever expected
to pay,
and it will keep you longer than you
ever intended to stay.
- You see dear friend, like in David’s life and in my uncle’s, sexual misbehavior is actually one of those sins that pollute you so bad as to spill over to your future family and even lead to death.
- God's desire is that in sexual purity, He may be able to bless you as He did Adam and Eve and restore to you the peace, calmness and love even as He protects your future children from acts that lead to death.
- Malachi 2:15 says that the purpose for God in having us marry is that we may produce godly offspring/children who love God.
- You could be the one that starts a line of godly peaceful offspring in your family line or you could simply be one of those that by your lifestyle are preparing a life of inexplicable nightmares for your future family.
- The nature of sin is that it eventually comes out. And if it doesn’t seem to affect you now, then it will spill over in dramatic ways in your future life. Sin opens us up to many other problems. The bible describes the person who cannot keep himself under control as one who is open to every evil thing or trouble. It says;
A
person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked
out.Prov.25:28(msg)
When you indulge in sexual misbehaviour
whether in secret or in public it opens up your life to all manner of drama,
shame and guilt. Sometimes it leads to death.
I once worked in a
place where some of the men placed bets on which of them would be the first to
sleep with the newest, prettiest intern or girl in the company.
One night one of them
went to enjoy himself with his catch at a hotel past Mlolongo. On their way
back they came across a police roadblock. Dutifully the man stopped his car. A
senior policeman walked over to his window, drew his pistol and fired two shots
aimed at his groin. The woman took off into the bushes.
Somehow the man managed
to drive himself to a hospital.
Later we learnt that
the woman was the policeman’s wife. Our man was lucky that none of the bullets
caught his assets down there!J
No wonder God says “Have nothing to do with the fruitless acts of darkness…”Eph.5:11
God wants to save you
this kind of drama. He seeks to restore us to the purity, calmness and peace
that initially existed between Adam and Eve.
And given that God is
willing to forgive and turn around the life of the one who comes to Him in
confession seeking forgiveness, wouldn’t you want to set matters right as soon
as possible?
Conclusion
Someone once gave me
these points on how to deal with sexual misbehavior as I struggled through
youthful urges and temptations:
1. Become a true follower of Jesus
Christ. Ask God to forgive you every sin you have committed in this area and
ask Jesus to come and take charge of your life. Paul writing in Acts 26:20
says, I preached that they should repent and turn to God and
demonstrate their repentance by their deeds.
2. Starve it. You cannot avoid thinking
about sex but you can limit impure thoughts by avoiding pornographic material,
movies that depict nudity and foul language, books that describe sex acts and
keeping good company.
3.
Crowd it out. Read the bible. It will grant you success
in the things that matter for this life. The children recited:
Blessed
is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.
Joshua 1:8 also says, Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and
night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will
be prosperous and successful.
4.
Call it out for what it is. Do not sanitize sin by giving
it a less offensive name for sexual misbehavior is indeed an offense against
God, against yourself; against the person you do it with and against your
future children. When you lust after someone the bible either calls it adultery
or fornication, when you give in to homosexual feelings it is not safe to say
you were made that way.
5.
Do not hide it. Find someone who you can tell your story.
Someone who will help you overcome your guilt, shame or addiction. Someone who
will help you turn to God for forgiveness and stand by you no matter what.
In the fight to live right and to set the
course of our lives and that of our future children aright God is always on our side. He wants to restore in your life
something very close to the peace and purity that existed in the Garden of Eden
between Adam and Eve. Are you willing to accept His offer of forgiveness and a
new life?
Jesus said, “….whoever comes to me I will never drive away” john 6:37
He also said; Luke 5:32
I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to
repentance.”
What is to repent? It
is simply to agree with God that what I have done is wrong, to ask His
forgiveness and to make a commitment to live as God would want you to.
God calls us to agree
with Him as a first step that what we have been doing is wrong. He is willing
to forgive.
Whether for you it’s
been masturbation, or you are struggling with same-sex attraction or if you
have been cohabiting or if you have indulged in porn; God is willing to
forgive.
In 1 John 1:9 the bible
says;
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to
forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (from all the mess that comes with
wrong-doing)
He promises to turn our lives around if
only we shall let Him.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has
come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17
References:
- Murder in universities over sex-http://nairobinews.nation.co.ke/news/fresh-ku-graduate-killed-threatening-dump-boyfriend/Endinal Nyainda
- //www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2488467/Scientists-believe-beginnings- CLAY.html#ixzz4FmFV9Xvx
- Paradise Lost Rediscovering God’s Design for Sexuality Gary Inrig
- The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States; Sex in America: A Definitive Survey BMJ 1995;310:540 BMJ 1995; 310 doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1136/bmj.310.6978.540 (Published 25 February 1995)
- Ohio State University http://www.gq.com/story/health-myth-does-the-average-man-really-think-about-sex-every-7-seconds
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